India and America: Both Sides, Now

It has been 12 years since I came to the US--almost 80% of my adult life! I received my non-conditional Permanent Resident card (aka Green card) earlier this year, marking a milestone in my immigration process. Change of nationality is an inevitably lifelong process for immigrants throughout history, one filled with the pain of letting many things go, the joy of assimilating new things, and living as a mixture of identities. I write this post as a part of that process for me.

Superficially, India and America are a world apart. Literally on the opposite sides of the planet. Yet, I have never felt out of place in the US, unlike "ABCDs" I suppose. :) Why? Well, look a little closer and you'll see that India and America played key roles in creating each other's very identity!

America was "discovered" by lost Europeans who were desperate to find a sea route for spice trade with India and ended up mislabeling Native Americans as "Indians." The Black Civil Rights movement led by Martin Luther King Jr., a huge part of the tussle of US identity, was directly inspired by the life of Mahatma Gandhi and his political philosophy of Satyagraha. Likewise, White nationalism, also a huge part of the tussle of US identity, also owes a lot to myths of "racial purity" of Aryans, a once innocuous Sanskrit endonym for Indians. Conversely, modern India's Constitution owes a great deal to the Constitution of the US, as I will elaborate soon.

Basically, there would be no America as we know it today without India. And there would be no India as we know it today without America.

So, in this hopefully amusing--but sometimes weighty--memoir I draw analogies and contrasts between these two nations that I now call home. Yes, there will be many generalizations, stereotypes, and derision over some stuff on both sides. But there will also be praise, admiration, and celebration of some stuff on both sides. With that prelude, I share some key similarities and differences between India and America that have stood out for me in my experiences.

Key Similarities

1. Geographic: Mind-bogglingly Large, Varied, and Beautiful!

Obvious one. The US and India are the 4th and 7th largest countries in the world by land area, with the US being 3x as large as India. But the variety and beauty of geography is immense in both countries: snow-capped mountain ranges, large plateaus, large plains, long rivers and large lakes, long coastlines and many beaches, sandy deserts and arid semi-deserts, dense forests, swamps and mangroves, volcanoes, tropical island paradises--you name it, both have it. It will take many years, if not decades, to visit all the major touristy spots. I know because I have plans/hopes of doing so in my lifetime. :)

2. Constitutional: Federal Secular Democratic Republic

Another obvious one. America's is the oldest active Constitution in the world; India's is the largest. In fact, America's Constitution heavily influenced India's, as it did many other nations' too. This includes at least the following. The abolition of monarchies and aristocracy to establish a republic. A rigorous separation of powers into 3 branches: Executive-Legislature-Judiciary, with carefully thought out checks and balances. Equal rights and due process for all citizens before the law. A democratic government "of the people, for the people, and by the people." Organization of a large and diverse nation into a federal "union of states" with a clear separation of authority. And finally, secularism with no role for religion in government. Both nations have stood the "test of time" in upholding these Constitutional values and avoided dictatorships and military coups.

3. Political: Free Speech and Mockery of Politicians

Freedom of thought/speech/expression is central to both nations' identities and protected in their Constitutions. There is even a book titled "The Argumentative Indian" and I too have written about the millennia of debates among Hindu religions. America's First Amendment is often touted as the paragon of free speech rights. But a flipside is that hate speech is legal in the US. This disproportionately hurts minorites and/or marginalized groups, especially Jews, Blacks, LGBTQ+ people, and Muslims. India has stricter laws against hate speech on various grounds (e.g., religion, race, language, etc.) but they are sometimes abused by politicians to harass political opponents.

Speaking of politicians, mocking them with political satire is a vibrant industry in both nations! When politicians try to aggrandize power inappropriately or hypocritically, they ought to be mocked. :) Strangely, people from some European democracies, e.g., Germany or Sweden, seem to be more reticent on this front. But the contrast with the muzzling of people in Communist or other totalitarian regimes, e.g., China or Russia, is sad to me. I can never fathom living in fear of speaking out against one's government, let alone not mocking those with power.

4. Societal: Obsession with Movies, TV Shows, Sports, and Celebrities

Hollywood and Bollywood are the largest film industries in the world by revenue and volume, respectively. Fans in India do crazy stuff in "devotion" to film celebrities. Turns out it is the same in America! As if movies are not enough, both nations have tons of TV shows with high TRPs--soap operas, comedies, "reality" TV, dance, cooking, religious shows--you name it, both have it. And in 10+ languages too in India! I will admit I watch a lot of movies and streaming shows from both nations. :) The sports industry is also big business in both nations. India is the big brother of cricket, the main sport obsession there. Americans are obsessed with football, basketball, and baseball. But I don't care for any of these 4 sports and like tennis instead.

5. Societal: Obsession with Religiosity and Religious Charlatans

Religion is big business in both nations, almost pathologically so for secular democracies. I too was religious as a kid in a Hindu Brahmin family, but I became a freethinker as my interest in science grew. Overt religiosity is common in India and everyone is showy: Hindus, Muslims, Sikhs, Christians, Jains, Buddhists, and Zoroastrians. There is also a cottage industry of charlatans who exploit peoples' blind faith to accrue money and power. Some get busted for nasty crimes ranging from fraud and extortion to rape and murder. Many politicians and religious leaders are in bed with each other due to votebank politics, undermining secularism.

Then I came to America, the land of huge scientific and technological breakthroughs. I thought there'd be more freethinkers here. Instead, I see a gazillion churches everywhere. Droves of Evangelicals and Mormons run around with Bibles, proselytizing. Jews wear skull caps instead of Muslims. Hilltops have giant crosses. Tens of millions believe in creationism instead of science. Some Senators believe in talking snakes. Charlatans preach "prosperity gospels" to swindle gullible followers. Many politicians and religious leaders are in bed with each other due to votebank politics, undermining secularism. OK I am just repeating myself now. :D

6. Societal: Systemic and Societal Discrimination but Unity in Diversity

Discrimination is pervasive in both nations, both due to age-old inequities and new issues. The stranglehold of the millennia-old Hindu caste system is still strong in India (but reducing in urban areas). South Asian Muslims, Christians, and Sikhs too have their own forms of casteism. Although India's Constitution boldly outlawed caste discrimination, many Dalits, tribes, and some so-called lower castes still occasionally face illegal discrimination and hate crimes by casteist extremists. Homosexuality was criminalized until 2018. Many women suffer pervasive patriarchical oppression and "rape culture." More recently, hate crimes against Muslims has gone up due to the rise of Hindutva nationalism. Hate crimes are rarely prosecuted because police are stretched thin and often corrupt. The judiciary is overburdened and slow. Yet, in spite of all these struggles, the sense of "unity in diversity" remains strong in India. And a thriving culture of social activism for human rights for all is alive and well.

In America, Black people were enslaved for centuries. After the American Civil War, they were ostensibly made "equal" but segregated and terrorized by both vigilantes and White supremacist groups for decades. Blacks still face pervasive systemic discrimination and casual racism today. Native Americans faced centuries of ethnic cleansing and genocides. Hispanic/Latino people, LGBTQ+ people, women, some sub-groups of Asians and even Whites--all faced systemic discrimination too. Rape culture is rampant here too. Thankfully things have been improving for all groups in the last few decades. More recently, there is a resurgence of White nationalism and hate crimes, especially against Jews. Thankfully, both police and judiciary are efficient here (but not perfect). And in spite of all these struggles, America's motto too emphasizes unity in diversity. And here too a thriving culture of social activism for human rights for all is alive and well.

Key Differences

1. Geographic: Population Density

Obvious one. India has 4x the population of the US, which means its density is 12x! To me everywhere in India feels like people are living on top of each other. :) The traffic jams of Los Angeles have nothing on those of Delhi. Believe me, Delhi will show you what it feels like to have life energy sucked out of you, even as you are choking on smog! In contrast, most of America lives in a more spread out fashion. Air and water quality is much better in most places. Almost everyone prefers more privacy and breathing space. OK, except for those crazy Manhattan types. :D

2. Technological: Developed vs Developing

Another obvious one. The US is one of the richest nations in the world and the birthplace of many revolutionary technologies, including the airplane, modern computers, and the Internet. Indeed, one the biggest changes for me was how Internet connections went from slow and capacity-capped to fast and unlimited capacity. Quality of life is much better in such a developed nation due to better electronics, appliances, transportation, utilities, and logistics. For instance, power cuts were a routine part of life in India. But I've seen power cuts only 4 times ever in the US. Thanks in large part to Capitalism, the US is also home to many of the world's largest and most innovative companies, especially in software, biotechnology, (aero)space, defence, and other engineering. All this helps attract immigrants from all over the world. Despite all its troubles, the US remains the world's premier "land of opportunity." I think it will remain so for the foreseeable future.

3. Economic: Mixed Socialism-Capitalism vs Runaway Capitalism

India has a mixed economy combining elements of both Capitalism and Socialism. India used to be very Socialist but after a humiliating near-insolvency, the failures of Nehruvian Socialism were recognized and more Capitalism was adopted. That said, one outsized positive impact of Nehruvian Socialism is the world-renowned federally owned higher education system: IITs, IIMs, NITs, IISc, and AIIMS. Most Indian-origin faculty in America's STEM academia and many in industry are from that system, including me. :) There is near-universal support for government investment in education in India. Likewise, there is near-universal support for government-run free/afforable healthcare for the poor, even if its quality is lower than private hospitals.

While Capitalism has helped America a lot, it has been wreaking havoc in education and healthcare. State governments have been steadily defunding academia, while federal investment has failed to keep pace with growth. College student loans are debilitating many Americans and many are not able to afford college anymore. Facing budget shortfalls, American universities inevitably turn to more self-paying international students, perpetuating a vicious cycle that is pricing Americans out of their own higher education system. K-12 schools fare worse, with many teachers paid so low they need to work two jobs. These are all classic symptoms of runaway Capitalism. Likewise, the US healthcare system is crazy expensive, with little options for the poor. Only deep government investment in universal up-to-college education and public healthcare can fix this mess. But many Americans live in denial of Capitalism's failures on these issues. :-/

4. Societal: Collectivism vs Individualism

Another key difference I've seen is that Indian society over-prioritizes collectivism, while American society over-prioritizes individualism. Most Indian parents exert too much control over their children's lives, including career and marriage. Often it stifles or even negates individual creativity and initiative. Things are changing slowly though, especially in urban areas. In contrast, most American parents are hands off on their kids' choices on both career and marriage. People are not as nosy about other people's private lives. America's level of celebration of individual "liberty" is perhaps unparalleled in human history. In fact, the distance and space America offered me for self-reflection, away from India, played a big role in my own coming out process. New cultural movements such as Pride also help bridge the individual-collective gap in positive ways.

The above said, a major flipside of the individual-first culture is that many Americans have rather callous attitudes toward poor people. Systemic factors that destroyed social mobility and keep people trapped in poverty--e.g., the decimation of US manufacturing or the high cost of college I mentioned earlier--are disproportionately misrepresented as an individual's "failure." Likewise, many in America still live in denial of the urgency of combating human-caused climate change. Such me-me-me attitudes are not conducive to tackling a problem that all of humanity must tackle collectively by making equitable sacrifices. :-/

5. Societal: Handling of Historical Inequities and Constitutional (Non-)Ossification

Finally, one of the biggest differences between the two nations is in their attitudes toward affirmative action to redress the historical inequities I listed earlier. The Indian Constitution mandated an extensive system of quotas to help Dalits, tribes, and many so-called lower castes, a strong "positive discrimination" form of affirmative action. They were later expanded to cover more so-called middle caste groups. But the system was abused due to votebank politics. Resentment grew among so-called upper castes. Ultimately, income caps were imposed to bar the rich among lower castes, while a new quota was added to help the poor among upper castes and/or non-Hindus. Overall, there is no doubt that India's quota system has uplifted tens of millions of lower castes and/or poor people out of destitution.

In contrast, there is not much support in the US for quotas or any strong affirmative action, even in ultra-liberal California. This is despite the systemic disadvantages faced by, and absymally low representation of, Blacks, Native Americans, and Hispanics/Latinos in higher education, industry, and government, as well as rising despair among poor people of all races, including Whites, leading to a tragic epidemic of opioid addiction. There is a widespread delusion in the US that it is an ideal "meritocracy." But from what I've seen, the truth for many groups is closer to a poignant line from an old Tamil song: The world gets you a peacock, breaks its leg, and then asks it to dance. :-/

In my opinion, the US will benefit from learning more from India about equitable affirmative action just as India will benefit from learning more from the US about meritocratic practices. After all, "systemic racism" in the US is a form of caste system too. But change will not be easy because of--once again--its Constitution! Amending the US Constitution is vexed due the political polarization here. For instance, there have been 104 amendments to India's Constitution but only 27 to America's even though the latter document is 3x older than the former! I hope less political polarization, more equitable prosperity, and more empathetic policy making can help heal age-old societal wounds in both nations as they march toward a better future for all.

My All-Time Favorite Villains

There is no doubt we live in the golden age of (super)hero movies. For instance, Marvel just capped its epic Infinity saga with the stupendous Avengers: Endgame, the highest grossing movie of all time. While I like a good hero-worshipping story as much as anyone else, I also enjoy stories of earnest, perhaps also tragic, (super)villains.

While I will certainly not call this "villain-worshipping," there is something undeniably magnetic, enigmatic, and dare I say, even awe-inspiring about a certain kind of villain. One that is not a cartoonish personification of evil but a complex multidimensional being cloaked in a vaguely appealing aura of poignancy. A villain that is gripping not just for their deeds but also for their backstory. A villain that is oh-so-stylish that they often outshine the heroes themselves.

This post is about such villains, my all-time favorites from across different kinds of movies: Thanos, Artemisia, Magneto, Malik Kafur, Amy Dunne, Hannibal Lecter, Lord Shen, and Apocalypse. I explain briefly about who they are and why they are in my list. I also cite my favorite lines and scenes of those characters. The 8 names are in no particular order, although I admit my top favorite is Thanos. If you have not watched the movies I list here, I highly recommend watching them all to witness their magnificent villainy for yourself!

CAUTION: This post includes quotes with swearwords and also talks about stories involving rapes, murders, massacres, genocides, slavery, and/or cannibalism. If you get triggered or too upset when reading such things, you may want to skip reading this post.

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Thanos

Movies:
Avengers: Infinity War
Avengers: Endgame

Who?
Perhaps the most anticipated villain ever in the history of filmmaking, Thanos is the biggest villain of the Marvel Cinematic Universe (MCU). His life-long quest has been to collect all 6 infinity stones and restore "balance" to the universe by randomly killing half of all living things.

Why?
The comic book version of Thanos is a crude megalomaniac who kills half of life just to impress Lady Death. But I was really blown away by how creatively Thanos was "humanized" in the MCU: a forthright Malthusian philosopher on a mission to save the universe from itself having been traumatized by the extinction of his species on Titan due to overpopulation. A doting father to Gamora who mourns her death after being forced to sacrifice her, almost a Biblical Abraham. A selfless warrior who throws away all that God-like power after finishing his simple mission. Up until his (first) death, Thanos is hands down the most virtuous, honest, and respectable villain I have ever seen. Of course, the second Thanos's mission changes in Endgame with less virtuous goals.
Although Thanos's visual rendition is computer-generated, it is based on fine-grained motion and facial capture. Josh Brolin delivers that and the voice perfectly for all stages of Thanos's mission.

Favorite lines:

Explaining his mission to Gamora: "Little one, it is a simple calculus: the universe is finite, its resources finite. If life is left unchecked, life will cease to exist.

Explaining his mission to Doctor Strange: "The hardest choices require the strongest wills."

After defeating Iron Man in the Battle of Titan: "You have my respect, Stark. When I am done, half of humanity will still be alive. I hope they remember you."

Favorite scenes:

Thanos sacrifices his only love to attain the soul stone:
Thanos fights and defeats Iron Man in the Battle of Titan:
Thanos rests after accomplishing his mission:

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Artemisia

Movie:
300: Rise of an Empire

Who?
Artemisia is the commander of the vast navy of the Persian Emperor Xerxes I, who is on a quest to invade Greece and humiliate the Athenians. She is partly based on a real historical figure although the character in the movie is mostly fictional.

Why?
Born a Greek, her family was killed by Greek soldiers in an unexplained war. She was raped, tortured, and sold into sex slavery as a girl by the Greeks, and eventually left to die on the street. A Persian emissary rescues her, adopts her, and moulds her into the fiercest warrior in the Persian court. Her valor sees her rising to become the most trusted confidante of Emperor Darius. After Darius is killed by Themistocles in the first invasion of Greece, Artemisia shapes his son's rise into a warmongering god-king. She convinces Xerxes to seek vengeance against Greece. She initially defeats the Athenian navy, and Xerxes destroys Athens. But the Persians are ultimately defeated as the Greek city-states unite.
Portrayed masterfully by Eva Green, Artemisia is hands down the most impressive and awe-inspiring female villain and performance I have ever seen.

Favorite lines:

To Xerxes after Darius's death: "Only the gods can defeat the Greeks? You will be a god-king!"

To Xerxes after Themistocles's navy still stands after Athens is burned: "I will attack the Greeks with my entire navy... Now sit on your golden throne and watch this battle from the safety I provide you."

Favorite scenes:

Artemisia shapes the rise of the Persian god-king:


Artemisia burns the Athenian navy:


Artemisia spars with Xerxes on how to defeat Themistocles:

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Magneto

Movies:
The X-Men series, especially First Class, Apocalypse, Days of Future Past, and The Last Stand

Who?
Perhaps the least villainous and most complex character in this list, Magneto is a very powerful mutant who can control magnetic matter. My favorite villain before the arrival of MCU's Thanos.

Why?
Born a German Jew before World War II, Magneto was imprisoned as a boy along with his family at Auschwitz by the Nazis. Watching his mother being shot dead enraged him into controlling his power. Given that the Nazis murdered his parents and the Soviets murdered his wife and daughter too, little wonder then that Magneto does not trust humankind. He was initially a part of the X-Men and a friend of Professor X. But they parted ways disagreeing on the future of mutantkind-humankind relations. Affirming that mutantkind must reign supreme, Magneto becomes a key antagonist of the X-Men, although he and Professor X remain good friends who respect each other. In the dystopian future of Days of Future Past, they even team up again to fight the Sentinels created by humankind to commit genocide against mutantkind and their human allies.
Ian McKellan portrays the older Magneto with incredible grace and style, while Michael Fassbender perfectly portrays the younger Magneto's pain, rage, and confusion.

Favorite lines:

Rhetorically when moving the Golden Gate Bridge to Alcatraz for his attack: "Charles always wanted to build bridges."

To the Brotherhood when attacking Alcatraz to destroy the mutant cure: "In chess, the pawns go first."

To Charles when about to be defeated by the Sentinels: "All those years wasted fighting each other, Charles. To have a precious few of them back."

Favorite scenes:

Magneto artfully kills Shaw, his mother's murderer:


Magneto moving the Golden Gate Bridge to Alcatraz:


Magneto teaming up with Storm to fight the Sentinels:

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Malik Kafur

Movie:
Padmaavat

Who?
Malik Kafur was a eunuch slave-general in the court of the Afghan-Indian Emperor Alauddin Khilji. He is also based on a real historical figure, who rose to become Khilji's most trusted confidante and successful military general.

Why?
As a likely gay man who was castrated and sold into slavery as a eunuch, Kafur is eventually gifted to Khilji as a personal slave, guard, and concubine rolled into one. From the get go, Kafur makes it clear he is gloriously ruthless and recklessly devoted to his master. He proves to be a cunning and resourceful confidante and a fierce warrior who helps Khilji conquer many Indian kingdoms for his empire. But when Khilji wages war against the Rajput kingdom of Chittor, he is almost defeated by the Rajput king on the battlefield. Kafur intervenes to save Khilji by shooting an arrow to the king's back, affirming that his devotion to his master matters more to him than war ethics. However, the most surprising and endearing part of the movie for me was the sneakily inserted love story of Kafur and Khilji. I found out later that this story of homosexual/bisexual relationship is based in historical facts, although Indian history books have obviously erased it!
Kafur's eccentricity is memorably portrayed by Jim Sarbh, a master of the stage who came to the big screen for this role.

Favorite scenes:

Kafur's introduction scene:


One of my favorite songs, Binte Dil, showing Kafur tending to Khilji:

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Amy Dunne

Movie:
Gone Girl

Who?
Amy is a successful and famous writer of a children's story based on herself called Amazing Amy. She falls in love with and marries a small-time journalist called Nick.

Why?
After Nick loses his job, Amy uses her money to help them start afresh in his home town in Missouri. But they grow apart emotionally due to Nick's narcissism. He then cheats on Amy, leaving her devastated. Instead of moping in self-pity, she crafts an elaborate scheme to "disappear" herself and frame Nick for her "murder." The stunningly intricate and interconnected "clues" she plants are thoroughly gripping and convincing. But the pinnacle is her last scene with Desi, a high school stalker-friend who gives her shelter. After changing her mind about Nick, she hatches a scheme to return. She seduces Desi to have sex and right after he ejaculates in her vagina, with her "rape evidence" now secure, she dramatically slits his throat and bathes herself in his blood as more "evidence" for her rape-murder fabrication. An incredibly polished story of a narcissistic, psychopathic, and murderous woman who wants her husband back in her grip, I thoroughly enjoyed it because I could not predict any of its shocking plot twists.
Portrayed brilliantly by Rosamund Pike, who got nominated for an Oscar for this role, Amy Dunne is hands down the scariest female villain in history.

Favorite lines:

From the cool girl monologue about her husband: "I inspired him to rise to my level. I forged the man of my dreams.."

Also from the cool girl monologue: "He dragged me, penniless, to the navel of this great country and found himself a newer, younger, bouncier cool girl. You think I'd let him destroy me and end up happier than ever? No fucking way!"

Nick to Amy after she returns home covered in blood: "You fucking bitch!"

To Nick in the end before their joint interview to reveal her pregnancy: "I'm not a quitter. I'm that cunt. I've killed for you. Who else can say that?"

Favorite scenes:

The glorious "cool girl" monologue:


Interview scene at the end:

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Hannibal Lecter

Movies:
The Silence of the Lambs, Hannibal, and Hannibal Rising

Who?
A forensic psychiatrist by trade and a cannibalistic serial killer on the side, Dr. Lecter is considered by many to be the greatest villain in American movies. He gets incarcerated for his crimes but eventually escapes.

Why?
Lecter's origins lay in a traumatized childhood during World War 2. Amidst a brutal winter, he and his little sister get trapped in a forest house. Passing mercenaries set up camp there and due to a lack of food, kill his sister to make a stew. Lecter unwittingly eats it before learning about its contents. Eventually, he exhibits markers of psychopathy, up to his famed cannibalistic attacks. Outwardly he is a highly learned and cultured person who easily gets along in society without raising suspicions. In a twisted form of virtuosity, he primarily targets only men who are deviously powerful, immoral, or even evil in his view for his cannibalism. He even helps law enforcement and Clarice find other serial killers during his incarceration, while respecting and adoring Clarice. Overall he is complex and far from evil himself in a weird way.
An instant legend, Lecter was portrayed impeccably in multiple movies by the great Anthony Hopkins, who also won an Oscar for this role.

Favorite lines:

To Clarice during the interview in his cell: "A census taker once tried to test me. I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice Chianti."

Again to Clarice over the phone after his escape: "I do wish we could chat longer, but I'm having an old friend for dinner."

Favorite scenes:

The famous dialogue scene with Clarice:


A scene that is so shockingly grotesque (yet artful) that Youtube makes it non-embeddable, age-restricts it, and still cautions viewers! The open-brain dinner scene.

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Lord Shen

Movie:
Kung Fu Panda 2

Who?
The prince of the Gongmen City in China, where gunpowder and fireworks are invented. Shen repurposes that to create the first cannon, a powerful weapon for his plans to conquer all of China.

Why?
A young Shen is rattled by a soothsayer's prediction that his plans will be defeated by a giant panda. So he massacres all giant pandas in the kingdom. His parents, aghast at the genocide, disown and banish Shen from the kingdom. He uses his exile period to build up an army and expand his cannon firepower so that he can retake Gongmen one day. But unbeknownst to him, a baby panda had escaped the genocide due to its mother. It grew to become Po, the eponymous kung-fu master Panda and the legendary Dragon Warrior who ultimately defeats Shen. So in the sagely words of Oogway, Shen basically met his fate on the path he took to avoid it! Although Shen's story is not as poignant as the above villains, his gloriously posh style and lines, sheer ruthlessness, and decisive victory over all but one of China's kung-fu masters earns him a place as one of my favorite villains.
A key part of Shen's charm is his voicing by the British actor Gary Oldman. Hollywood really seems to like villains with a British accent!

Favorite lines:

Opening line to the Masters Council at Gongmen Palace: "Good afternoon gentlemen. Now that we have the pleasantries out of the way, please leave my house."

Again to the Masters Council presenting his secret weapon, the cannon: "It's a gift. Oh, it's your parting gift, in that it will part you. Part of you here, part of you there, part of you waaay over there, staining the wall!."

To the soothsayer goat: "My parents hated me. Do you understand? They wronged me. And I will make it right. [The goat rebuts] The dead exist in the past. And I must turn to the future. [The goat is set free and wishes him happiness] Happiness must be taken. And I will take mine!."

Favorite scenes:

Lord Shen's introduction scene:


The hilarious scene where Po Panda meets Lord Shen:

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En Sabah Nur (aka Apocalypse)

Movie:
X-Men: Apocalypse

Who?
The world's first mutant, a megalomaniac with many powers who once ruled the world. He was worshipped my humankind as a God but was eventually betrayed and lost to history.

Why?
Once the ruler of ancient Egypt as Ra incarnate, En Sabah Nur was betrayed and rejected as a false God. He was lost to history buried underground. After rising again, he is disgusted with how corrupt the world had become running after money, fame, wars, weapons, superpowers, etc. and wants to wipe it clean. In this sense, he kinda embodies the Christian/Islamic/Bahai eschatology of the Second Coming and the Vaishnavite Hindu eschatology of Kalki (I doubt his gray-blue skin color was a coincidence!) Anyway, as with Shen there is not much poignancy in his story but he is on this list due to his awesome power, sheer brutality, and unflinching commitment to mutantkind. As with Thanos, he wants to commit genocide for population control but unlike Thanos, he does it for personal power. Nevertheless, Apocalypse adopted Storm and Magneto as his horsemen and raised their power massively, but they too ultimately betray him and join the X-Men.
Apocalypse was portrayed impeccably by Oscar Isaac.

Favorite lines:

To Storm after learning about the 20th century world: "This world needs to be... cleansed (in ancient language) [Storm asks what he said] ... saved (in English)."

To Magneto and the other horsemen at the Auschwitz, where Magneto's family was killed: "I am born of death. I was there to spark and fan the flame of man's awakening, to spin the wheel of civilization. And the when the forest grew rank and needed clearing for new growth, I was there to set it ablaze."

Also to the horsemen after raising Magneto's power to enable him to destroy Auschwitz: "Everything they've built will fall! And from the ashes of their world, we'll build a better one!"

To the X-men via Cerebro after disarming the world of its nukes: "You can fire your arrows from the Tower of Babel. But you can never strike God!"

Final line while being killed by Jean Grey's Phoenix Force: "All is revealed!"

Favorite scenes:

Unfortunately I could not find any of my favorite scenes as legitimate videos online because Fox and Disney blocked them! :-/ So, here are the trailer videos instead: Teaser Trailer, Official Trailer, and Final Trailer. The movie is now available online on Disney+ though. :) My favorite scenes are the infamous Auschwitz scene, the scene where he disarms the whole world of its nukes and other powerful weapons, and the final battle scene.

Liberal Overreach and the Global Right Turn

"If you are not a liberal at 25, you have no heart.
If you are not a conservative at 35, you have no brain."
- Quote by Unknown

Disclaimer: All opinions expressed in this post are purely my own personal opinions. I identify as neither a liberal nor a conservative but prefer the label "freethinker." I have critiqued both liberal and conservative positions with a constitutional lens. That said, many of my opinions, but not all, align with liberal policies. This post, however, might be contrarian to prevailing liberal opinions.


Nothing captures the zeitgeist of our times more than the incredible rightward turn in polity across the world, from Asia to Europe to the Americas. The massive victory the Hindutva nationalists in the Indian federal elections in 2014 and again in 2019, the shock referendum result of Brexit in 2016, the equally shocking victory of Trump in the US Presidential election in 2016, the almost unfathomable gains of the far right AfD in Germany in 2017, and the election of Bolsanaro as Brazil's President in 2018. Not to mention the recent hysteria about a "border crisis" in the USA, the "Islamization" of Europe, and the rising tide of ultra-nationalists in many supposed democracies like Turkey, Russia, Hungary, etc. So dramatic is this global right turn that many even wonder if the liberal ethos of humanity formalized by the Universal Declaration of Human Rights is now lost.

In this post, I argue that this right turn is less of a rollback of liberalism and more of a natural consequence of fundamental human traits that span cultures. The pendulum will inevitably swing back but it is still worthwhile to glean useful lessons from this phenomenon. My analysis focuses on 3 crucial cases I am (at least somewhat) familiar with: USA, India, and Germany. If I were to use one word to sum up a large part of this upheaval, it would be identity. While mixing identity and polity is often seen as inimical to democracy, this view ignores a simple fact: Identity is and always has been the bedrock of almost all human societies. When smug dismissive views of the importance of identity cross the invisible line into political overreach, blowback is inevitable. In this case, I contend that liberals are perpetrators of such an overreach with majority identities.

Thought Experiments

In ethics and moral philosophy, there is a famous thought experiment called the Trolley Problem. Often criticized as being extreme, it is actually a useful abstraction of priorities in human decision making. I now use it to demonstrate a simple, perhaps even obvious, point that underlies the global right turn: Not all people are effective equals. This is not the view of merely racists, xenophobes, etc. I contend that this is the natural and inevitable view of almost all reasonable humans.

Experiment 1: The Basic Version.
5 people are tied to a trolley track. 1 person is tied to a second track that branches off. None of them can escape. A heavy trolley is barreling down the first track. Left as such, the trolley will kill those 5 people. But there is a lever to switch the trolley to the second track. You are the only person near the lever who can switch the trolley's path. You have only 2 options: (1) Do nothing and let the 5 people die. (2) Pull the lever to switch the trolley track and let the 1 person die. Which option will you pick? Take a moment to contemplate your decision before reading ahead.

Philosophers and ethicists have debated this problem for decades. There is no "right" answer but the common view is that the "morally right" decision is (2), since it causes the least amount of harm (also called utilitarian ethics). I suspect you also picked (2). In some macabre science, cognitive psychologists and neuroscientists are unraveling the workings of the human brain to explain why we pick the options we do. This basic version is an "impersonal" dilemma. Fascinatingly, more "personal" dilemmas such as the footbridge problem typically yield opposite results. As you probably guessed, we will now get more "personal" with the trolley problem.

Experiment 2. 
Suppose you are told in advance that the 5 people are random strangers but the 1 person is your only child who you deeply love. Which option will you pick now? Take a moment to contemplate your decision again.

It does not take a genius of human psychology to guess that most people will now switch to option (1). Now what if I told you further that the 5 random strangers are refugees fleeing the Syrian civil war or violence in El Salvador? Will your decision switch back? Likely not. Does this mean most people are evil and bigoted and hate refugees? No. Can love conflict with human rights principles? Yes. A preference for one's own offspring is the natural evolutionary trait of not just humans but many other animal species. A generalization of this sentiment underlies why many people are indifferent even to the extremely heartwrenching stories of Alan Kurdi or Angie Martinez. Clearly, empathy has its limits. Let us now extrapolate it further.

Experiment 3. 
Now suppose you are one of the last few members of a proud tribe that share a rich but almost extinct language. The 5 people are random English/Spanish speaking outsiders. The 1 person is a fellow tribesman. Which option will you pick now? Take a moment to contemplate again.

It is quite likely that most people would pick option (1) again in much the same way as we saw for Experiment 2. Essentially, tribal attachments are the sociological generalization of family attachments. They are a natural consequence of being a social species, a trait we share with our fellow great apes and many other higher mammals. Heck, even a single church building raised over a billion Euros in a few days, while estimates for permanently eradicating child hunger in Africa are only a couple of times larger. Clearly, even inanimate objects can be more equal than fellow humans when they are as integral to identity as Notre Dame is to the French.

Lessons from the Thought Experiments

I contend that a major part of what powers the global right turn is a grand generalization of Experiment 3. Economic anxieties caused by recessions, joblessness, and unfair global trade policies are the trolley. Modern tribes may not be physically colocated but are more complex and multi-faceted: language, ethnicity, religion, region, nationality, sexual orientation, gender, etc. Not everyone who prefers to live within one's own tribe is an evil racist, xenophobe, etc. This recognition of the importance of identity is not a moral position nor is it apologia for the real harm that racism, xenophobia, etc. cause (e.g., the mass shootings in New Zealand). Rather, it is an admission of fundamental psychological forces that make it hard for many to draw the boundary between the scenarios of Experiment 1 vs 3 depending on how the tribe is defined. If liberal democracies are to progress, they need to acknowledge and understand the power of such forces, be clear about where the line falls, and figure out how to mitigate or even leverage such forces. By applying this lens to the global right turn, I see two main lessons.

1. Uncontrolled Immigration Subverts National Identities

Like it or not, the framework of national identities underpins our modern world. The UN itself stands for United "Nations," not a world government. Many post-colonial countries even promoted healthy nationalism to forge new "umbrella" identities out of their myriad sub-national identities. Some like India have largely succeeded in this endeavor. Some like Yugoslavia failed spectacularly. Some like Iraq remain slow-motion failures ruined by civil wars. Newer umbrella identities continue to be forged, say, like the EU. Regardless, what defines a national structure is a tenuous combination of legal statutes and informal assumptions. But only the former has the force of law.

Alas, uncontrolled immigration violates the integrity of nations in a way that resembles Experiment 3, especially amidst economic uncertainty. This is a key reason for the backlash seen in the USA and Germany. As an analogy, most people will not throw open their homes to random strangers, especially at a cost to their own family. National structures, physical or otherwise, have similar emotional import for many. National borders are not mere administrative conveniences.

The USA was indeed created as a "nation of immigrants." But this umbrella identity is an informal assumption, not a legal statute in its Constitution. Indeed, the (derisive) phrase "hyphenated American" was coined to promote a new unified umbrella identity. This latter nation is what is codified in law, not an ad hoc collection of immigrants. USCIS recently made this distinction comically literal. So, subverting such legal statutes will obviously lead to pushback. Yes, there is racism and xenophobia among many, but there is also legitimate non-malicious desire among many others to preserve national identity and the due process of legal immigration that is fair to all. This desire is not hateful but rational for any nation.

The subversion of constitutional "civic nationalism" by misguided liberal policies is a major cause of the rise of "ethnic/white nationalism" in the USA.

In fact, I fear it is likely white nationalism will continue to gain strength in the USA if liberals continue to unfairly favor Latino/Hispanic people from Latin America on immigration. Similarly, the sudden mass influx of non-Germans, especially refugees and economic migrants from the Middle East, subverted the legal statutes that define German national identity. A nationalist backlash then is natural. Yes, there is "German guilt" about the Holocaust that leads many to think Germany has a special responsibility. But equally legitimate is the desire to put poor German citizens first, especially those from former East Germany. No wonder then that support for the AfD is strongest in eastern Germany.

Large umbrella identities take time to evolve. The USA only recently (a few decades ago) expanded its identity to include equality for black people. This is still a work in progress given the everyday racism still faced by black people. One day Germany's national identity might expand to include non-German languages but it is unlikely to happen soon. Even the integration of Turkish migrants into German identity took decades and is also a work in progress. Thus, it perplexes me to see liberals being so impatient about expanding national identities quickly. Crying "xenophobia" or "racism" every time, even on legitimate non-malicious pushback, is a dangerous tendency akin to the fable of the boy who cries wolf. It will only devalue the significance of these terms.

Strangely, neither country is learning from history. Refugees and economic migrants have been handled better elsewhere. India hosted millions of refugees from Bangladesh and Sri Lanka during their civil wars. They had temporary status and returned to their own nations after the wars ended. (Interestingly, illegal immigration from Bangladesh is now a hot button issue; I will return to this later.) Why can Germany not adopt similar policies? Why the irrational push to subvert German national identity to "assimilate" refugees? Contrast this with the hypocrisy of the rich Arab nations of the Persian Gulf!

Speaking of the Gulf, they also host millions of poor South Asian laborers. They are recruited with due process, earn income, pay taxes, and return to their own countries after their stints. Why can the USA not adopt such mechanisms for Latin American people (or any other nationals) pursuing low-skilled jobs in a way that does not disadvantage US nationals but also protects the rights/benefits of migrant workers (which the Gulf nations fail to do)? Why the irrational push to offer legal residence without due process for recruiting or economic checks? With such policies, the path to residence and citizenship need not be any different than other legal immigrants. Finally, why not help Central American nations improve their own economies instead of just hosting refugees or migrants?

2. Legal Codification of Identity Heterogeneity and Evolution

Umbrella identities are complex and have many moving parts. Legal recognition of sub-national identities and a clear codification of a fair balancing of power are essential for umbrella identities to work. Without such safeguards, a stable equilibrium is unlikely. India is a good example of such codification that defused the power of two major forms of sub-national identities: caste and language. India's Constitution rectifies the historical power imbalance inherent in the Hindu caste system with explicit quotas in education and jobs for so-called lower castes and some tribal groups. While this is an imperfect and evolving system, it has been instrumental in uplifting many marginalized groups. Of course, such quotas are resented by many so-called upper castes. These issues are being mitigated with restrictions to prevent abuse by the rich among so-called lower castes, as well as an interesting new quota for the poor among so-called upper castes.

As for language, the approach of organizing states based on language has largely proved successful in avoiding major internal ethno-linguistic conflicts in India. Indeed, attempts to subvert this organization have often led to violent pushback. For instance, the Indian state of Tamil Nadu saw massive protests in 1960s against the imposition of Hindi, an alien language for Tamil people, by the federal government. More recently, Assamese-speakers in Assam protested against the federal government's plans of offering citizenship to Bengali-speaking migrants from Bangladesh.

However, the Constitution mishandled another powerful sub-national identity: religion. Many Hindus resent the fact that religious minorities receive special rights that violate the right to equality. Indian Muslims, for instance, have the so-called Muslim Personal Law. Civil law is not uniform like it is in most secular nations. This led to unfair interventions by the federal government and courts in Hindu religious affairs, while minority religions were exempt. As an example, only recently was the ridiculous practice of "instance divorce" outlawed, helping advance gender equality for Muslim women. Yes, there is Islamophobia among many, but there is also legitimate disgruntlement among many others about such "appeasement" policies.

Such unfair special rights for religious minorities created/defended by misguided liberal policies are a major cause of the growth of Hindutva nationalism in India.

I also see no harm in offering special Constitutional recognition (without special rights) to the indigenous Hindu religions, akin to the indigenous cultures of other nations, e.g., the First Nations in Canada. Of course, this does not contradict secularism but acknowledges the Hindu roots of India's millennia-old secular umbrella identity that differs from French-style secularism. As another example, the Anglican church has special status in secular England.

Finally, national identities are not static; umbrella identities, all the more so. But explicitly recognizing heterogeneity and codifying the balance of power will help smooth out changes within complex umbrella identities. Due to historical power imbalances between groups, the USA is currently facing an identity crisis. I contend a major reason for this mess is that the US Constitution largely ignores identity. Faced with systemic biases and discrimination, black, Latino/Hispanic, and Native American communities in the USA remain unfairly disadvantaged economically and also politically. Perhaps legally codified forms of affirmative action for such groups and for poor white people can help improve the situation. Of course, this is no easy change because many Americans live in denial and delusion that the USA is an ideal meritocracy (it is not). But then again, achieving equality for women or black people in the USA was not easy either. And similar to India, I see no harm in offering special legal recognition (without special rights) to the Judeo-Christian religions (including the black church), the Native American religions, and the humanist/atheist philosophies that together gave birth to the USA's umbrella identity.

Concluding Remarks

A classic non-response to tackling racial inequities is being "color-blind." In the same way, being "identity-blind" will likely doom society into more fragmentation and conflict. While liberals are often torch bearers for celebrating myriad minority identities, intentionally or inadvertently dismissing majority identities is a recipe for disaster. The global right turn is less of a story of reinvigorated nationalism defeating liberalism and more of a re-examination of evolving umbrella identities. Even if we eliminate nations and create one world government, the thorny question of how to organize federal sub-structures is inevitable. Without an accommodation of identities in this context, even a unified world government will likely collapse (e.g., see the tussle in Spain/Catalonia).

In my opinion, (1) explicit recognition of all major identities, (2) legal codification of balancing of power, and (3) consistent enforcement of legal statutes that underpin national structures are together critical for umbrella national identities to work. Perhaps one day in the distant future, humanity will break free of the chains of tribalism and maybe even Darwinian evolution thanks to science, technology, and medicine. But until that day, prudence in the handling of identities within and across nations may help avoid a societal catastrophe.

Coming Out: The Indian Version

October 11 is National Coming Out Day, a day marked by the LGBT rights movement in the US to celebrate the act of refusing to live a life hiding one's true sexual orientation and/or gender identity. Even in this day and age, coming out is fraught with dangers for far too many. The negative consequences range from getting kicked out of one's home by family to losing one's job to far worse fates such as being tortured or even murdered. All this injustice and inhumanity simply because one was born different from the majority. My own coming out process started early in 2014. Luckily, I did not have to suffer such tragedies; for this, I am always grateful. As part of this gratitude, I write this post about my own coming out experience, one that was shaped by my Indian / Hindu / Tamil background, as well as my life in the US. I write this because despite all the risks and drama, coming out was, and will always be, one of the most important episodes of my life. I write this because when I was desperately searching for such stories about gay Indian men during my own coming out process, I found a dearth of them to help me. I write this with the hope that this story is helpful some day to someone like me who is fearful and uncertain of coming out or someone who is helping such a person they know.

Background and Life in the Closet

I had suspected from a young age that my sexuality was not "conventional." But none of the movies I grew up watching--Tamil, Bollywood, or Hollywood--showed any LGBT characters, nor did the stories I grew up reading. The closest the movies got was depicting a type of Indian transgenders or third gender called hijras, albeit only negatively as lunatics, criminals, or prostitutes who lived on the fringes of society. Heck, I did not even have the terminology to explain what I was or whether it was "normal" until college. Sex and sexuality are taboo topics for conversations in Indian family life, even with teenagers, even to this day. "Sex education" is non-existent in most of India, save for formal discussions of the human reproductive system and sexually transmitted diseases in high school biology classes! I decided to focus on my education. Yet, I knew I was different. Luckily, I was not stereotypically gay in my mannerisms and appearance. Perhaps this explains why I did not face homophobic bullying in school, which apparently, is common here in the US. It was not until I started college that I learned about the terms sexual orientation, gender identity, homosexuality, bisexuality, etc. I even learned about how homosexuality was once viewed as a mental disorder but that modern science has now debunked such misconceptions. Still, I had never met another LGBT person, at least not one that was "out."

Alas, learning about those terms changed little for me. I think I went into a sort of deep denial. I refused to entertain the possibility that I was not like the people around me, that I was perhaps like those much maligned hijras, that I was somehow "abnormal." I decided to focus on my studies and suppressed any further thinking or analysis. Essentially, I consigned myself to a life in the closet. Many Indian LGBT people, even today, make such a choice because of shame. They think it would bring some sort of "dishonor" to themselves and their family, if they identify as LGBT. This attitude is sadly true even today in most of India, and as I learned later, across most of Asia. In my case, however, the operating emotion was not shame, but fear. I was afraid of subjecting myself and my family to emotional pain, of treading uncharted waters, of facing social ostracism, of facing ridicule. I rationalized this decision as a necessity to help me focus on my education and career. Another form of fear and hatred that many LGBT people face, especially in the US, is due to religion, typically Christianity or Islam. LGBT people are often told they would "go to hell" because the Christian/Islamic anthropomorphic God condemns homosexuality as a sin. Thankfully, I did not have to face this issue growing up as part of a Hindu family. None of the Hindu religious texts I studied, especially the Bhagavad Gita, even talked about homosexuality, let alone condemn it. Later on, I would learn of the tragedies of so many gay men and women who ended up in sham "straight marriages" due to internal/family/societal pressures, condemning themselves and their spouses to a life of lies. Although I dated a girl once, it did not last long and I am grateful I avoided such a tragedy.

Coming Out to Myself and Research on LGBT Perspectives

I moved to Madison, Wisconsin, USA to pursue my graduate degree in 2009. The excitement of starting life in a new country, with the new foods, culture, people, and experiences helped put my life in the closet on the back burner. For the first time in my life, I met many openly gay and lesbian people, who lived their lives as if nothing was "abnormal" about them. But I did not think much of it and refused to think about my own sexuality. I soaked it all in and enjoyed life in Madison. That is until the roller coaster ride of PhD life finally caught up with me. I had to switch advisors multiple times during my PhD and that was mentally taxing. My confidence in my ability to do high-quality research and finish my PhD nosedived. I considered quitting the PhD, leaving me with an existential crisis of sorts (this topic is worth a whole post another day!). This thought of "being a failure" (note the extreme self-judgmental thinking--not failing "at" something, but "being" a failure!) was emotionally traumatizing. I decided I needed to reach out to others and admit my helplessness. I reached out to my close friends and family and took advice from them on handling my situation. I cried over the phone to my dad like only a little boy would. Finally, I mustered the courage to get my life back on track. Thankfully, all my advisors were incredibly supportive of my research. In hindsight, for someone who had lived life with a stiff upper lip (no thanks to you, Britain!) this lesson on the importance of vulnerability was perhaps long overdue.

As part of my emotional recovery, I decided to meditate regularly. Yoga and meditation were part of my school curriculum in India. Thus, I had long known about their psychological benefits. While there is an unfortunate stereotype in the US about meditation being a "hippie" activity, things are changing and meditation is gaining popularity, especially in the tech world. Since I was a freethinker by now, I sought an environment where I could mind my own business without propaganda about imaginary supernatural entities. Thankfully, I found such a community, a sangha in Buddhist parlance, at the Madison Zen Center--an eclectic mix of scientists, teachers, artists, and others, mostly folks much older than me but delightfully friendly, funny, welcoming, and helpful! At the center, I would sit on a zabuton facing a blank wall, and focus on my breathing in quietude--this was the crux of zazen, being present here and now by counting breaths. While it sounds simple, this is one of the toughest things to do! After several weeks of sittings, I experienced a surprising gift: kenshos, inexplicably spot-on insights about the nature of things in my life, an understanding of my reality, an acceptance of what is rather than my fantasies of what should be. When distracting thoughts arose, I simply observed and acknowledged them rather than engage with them, and they eventually dissipated. But some thoughts kept recurring across sittings. I realized these probably held deep significance for me. So, I started journalling and after a month, a bunch of questions had piled up. Most of these had to do with--you guessed it--my sexuality!

I tabulated about a dozen questions about my sexuality, from past assumptions and experiences to questions about my future. I finally mustered the courage to confront myself with long-suppressed questions. Am I gay? Or bisexual? Or transgender? Or something else? Since I did not have the requisite expertise on this topic (neither did my friends or family), I sought out a professional cognitive-behavioral therapist that specialized in LGBT coming out issues. Thankfully, my health insurance provider agreed to cover this. With the help of my therapist, I systematically analyzed and questioned my childhood assumptions and experience, my cultural conditioning, my life in denial, my fears, and much more. I realized a lot of my assumptions were false or at least, lacked evidence or grounding in reality. I performed some research on LGBT perspectives in Indian / Hindu / Tamil cultures, legal perspectives, scientific perspectives, pop-culture perspectives, famous LGBT celebrities and public figures, and so on. For example, I was shocked to learn that Tamil has over 20 words to describe diverse gender and sexual identities! I learned about the stories of various Hindu deities that showed them or their avatars as being gay/transgender, exhibiting such tendencies, or having such family members, including such popular deities as Krishna, Murugan, and Varuna. I was shocked to learn that homosexuality has been documented in many other animal species, including primates and penguins. I was also shocked to learn that Iceland had an openly lesbian prime minister! Wow, parts of the world have so gone far ahead and here I was, being left behind in the closet. I wrote about my findings in a blog post in 2014, but I held back on coming out publicly just yet.

While all the research was intellectually helpful, it ultimately boiled down to me becoming emotionally comfortable with the fact that I am not straight, that I am different, and that my life will change irreversibly by coming out. To understand how others dealt with it, I visited and spoke to volunteers at Outreach Madison. There, I had a chance to learn about the coming out experience of a lesbian and a pansexual woman. I also inquired if they had worked with any Indian or South Asian LGBT people--sadly, they had encountered only one such man ever and he too had moved out of town. This situation was strange, since Madison has a large South Asian community, including many international students. I realized I had to internalize that coming out was in my best long-term interest even if it caused shorter-term suffering. This self-acceptance is the first major step in the process--coming out to one's own self. I distinctly remember the moment I commenced this process--I cried to my therapist and lamented at how unfair all this was. Why did I end up like this? What wrong did I do to deserve this? Why could I not have been born straight? Will I never get to have a boisterous and colorful Indian wedding like what my brother had? Am I destined to disappoint my parents, grandparents, and family by not marrying a woman? Why was I put in this difficult position but everyone else I knew--my friends, family, colleagues, etc.--are allowed to go about their regular lives? I wished I could "cure" myself of this "abnormality." If you are a comic movie nerd like me, I wanted to be like Rogue opting to take the "cure" in X-Men, one of my favorite movie series. Eventually, I began accepting that life is not always fair and that everyone probably suffers in their own way, but maybe without communicating about it. Being closeted was my suffering, as repeatedly indicated to me by my own mind/conscience during my meditation sittings, and it was my responsibility to end this suffering.

Continued meditation revealed another kensho. My core bottleneck for my self-acceptance was--wait for it--my love of science! Being the avid scientist I am, I was deeply troubled by why homosexuality even exists in the first place! If it is antithetical to procreation, why has Darwinian natural selection not eliminated it yet? Why does it exist across all human cultures? Is it just random mutation noise--am I just a statistical anomaly? As a stunning co-incidence, the BBC came out with an article that week on this very question! :) It turns out that LGBT people might have historically had special social/tribal roles such as helping with raising children. Since humans are a communal species, our population-level sociology plays a major role in natural selection, not just individual-level biology. In any case, I realized that this is a major open research question in evolutionary biology, sociology, and genetics, and that scientists are actively working to solve this mystery. It reminded me of a cliched poetic saying from the Rigveda, the most ancient Hindu religious text, "Vikriti evam prakriti," which in Sanskrit means "What appears unnatural is also natural"! Diversity of all kinds is endemic in nature--from the many types of fundamental sub-atomic particles to the many types of galaxies! So, why would human sexuality and gender be an exception to this? In software parlance, non-heterosexuality is likely "a feature, not a bug" of evolution. Nature is so endlessly mysterious and beautiful! :) I internalized that I am not a statistical anomaly but as integral to nature as anybody else. In the face of this grand universal truth, any consequences of my coming out, including loneliness and death, seemed puny. Truth vanquished my fear and I made peace with the fact that I am not straight. Screw the "cure," I am here, I am queer, let the world deal with it! I was now ready to come out to others in my life. Bizarrely, I was not sure if I was gay or bisexual or transgender although I suspected I was most likely gay. I did not want to rush into assigning a label just yet.

Coming Out to Friends and Family

My therapist recommended coming out in stages in order to reduce the emotional trauma associated with potential negative reactions. It made sense--after all, who wants to be dumped at once by everyone they know? :) I came out first to a handful of my close friends, starting with one that lived in California. We would chat about pretty much everything from research to relationships to family. I came out to him over a video call--I was almost embarrassed to utter the words, "Hey dude, I have something important to share. I am possibly gay." His first reaction was surprise (unsurprisingly), followed by congratulations. Phew, was I relieved! He then shared about some of his other LGBT friends. I was delighted to hear his support. It gave me the courage to come out to a couple of my other close friends, who were also Tamils, and thankfully, they were also quite supportive. Perhaps the world is indeed getting better--or perhaps my social circle was just quite liberal. :) I then come out to my brother and sister-in-law, who lived in another part of the US, again over video call. I knew they were fans of Modern Family, a popular US comedy show that I think has played a pioneering role in showing to the general US public that LGBT life can be "normal" too. :) So, when I told them I was gay, my brother laughed out loud and then said it was fine. They both said it was my life and it was upto me how I wanted to live it. Thus, over the course of a month, I had assembled my core support network for my coming out process.

Upon my therapist's advice, I also joined a group session and talked about my coming out process with an empathetic, non-judgmental, and supportive group of people working on their own issues. I had also learned of the Kinsey Scale that puts people on a spectrum from full heterosexuality to full homosexuality, as well as the difference between sexual orientation and romantic orientation. Through my meditation practice, I was able to tease apart what my sexual orientation and gender identity was--gay, bisexual, or transgender. I came to the conclusion that I was cisgender male (but also a postgenderist), mostly homosexual, but partly biromantic. This kind of explained why my mannerisms seem to be stereotypically straight to most people. A tongue-in-cheek term for this is "straight-acting" in LGBT circles! :) Unlike Tamil, English has only so many terms--I decided "gay" is the best label for me and that perhaps the most sustainable long-term relationship for me will be with another gay man. Perhaps the most beautiful fringe benefit of my ongoing coming out was an outpouring of creativity. I started writing poetry, mostly in English and Tamil. :) Even my friends and family were surprised when I started posting my poems on Facebook. They enjoyed it and even encouraged me to start a new blog for my poems! My therapist was unsurprised that poetry became a mode for my creative expression, since, I "had a way with words," as she put it. :) She pointed out that the coming out process dismantles fear, which is a major enemy of creativity. I think this also helped with my PhD in the forms of the research ideas and papers that I started producing.

Buoyed by my recent string of "successes," I decided that it was time to head to deeper waters--my parents, extended family, etc. My therapist cautioned me to take it more slowly. So, I waited a few months before visiting India to come out to my parents and extended family in person. But since they were unlikely to be fans of Modern Family (haha), I decided I needed some material to help me. Being the researcher I am, I created a slide show to summarize my research--yes, I was going to give a mini-presentation to my family! :) My slide deck had five major sections: (1) Scientific view (what is homosexuality, what does the UN/WHO say about it, etc.). (2) Legal view (what is the legal status in India/US/others, what does UN human rights law say, etc.). (3) Hindu religious views (the Hindu stories I mentioned earlier). (4) Photos of famous LGBT people from all walks of life. (5) Photos of famous LGBT families with kids from adoption or surrogacy. I have included a link to my slide deck below, in case it is helpful for you. A few days before my trip, I broke down again to my therapist, since I realized that there was a high probability that my family could reject me and that I would permanently lose their love. She advised that the gravity of the situation was sinking in and that I give a heads up to my core support network. Once again, my meditation helped me make peace with a likely eventuality--being rejected by my parents and family. Thus, I had learned to develop some confidence that regardless of the outcome, my life can still be okay. At the least, I can live a life of openness and honesty rather than suffer the pain of the closet.

Finally, the day arrived when I had to come out to my dad and stepmom. I sat them down and said (in Tamil), "I have an important thing to share. I am gay." I followed it with a brief explanation of what it meant. They were both obviously shocked and a pall of gloom descended on my dad's face, while my stepmom broke into tears. My dad stood up and walked around quietly, while my stepmom lamented about the shock. After a short while, they both calmed down; I pulled out my laptop and started my presentation. They were surprised to see this but were curious to learn more. My stepmom stopped crying, while my dad asked more questions. Their top concern was: "Does this mean you will not have kids?" I explained to them about surrogacy and adoption options, including open adoption. I showed them my slides on the happy LGBT families. They were also surprised by my slides with the stories of the very Hindu deities they revered! After I was done, they had no questions left--my slide deck proved invaluable, it seems. :) No drama, no yelling, no kicking me out, they were really gracious! The rest of the day went fine but apparently, they could not sleep well that night. I told them that I understood they needed more time to digest this news, and that I was happy to help them out--after all, as my therapist had pointed out earlier, it took me months (years?) to come out to myself! In one stroke, I had turned their dreams about about my wedding, their future daughter-in-law, etc. upside down. But I knew this was the best way forward for both me and them, since I knew what they wanted most for me was to live a happy life. I gave the contacts of a local LGBT rights organization and support group for parents of LGBT people (I have listed the links below). The next day, my dad also spoke with my brother. Knowing that he knew about this and was okay with this likely helped with my parents' acceptance process. So, creating that core support network proved invaluable too.

Eventually, I decided to come out to my extended family (my grandma, uncles, aunts, and cousins) too. Unlike my brother and dad, I was aware that some of them had a penchant for making dramatic-sounding statements (no thanks to you, melodramatic Tamil soap operas!). So, I mentally prepared myself to be calm and stick to facts and the core of their concerns, while ignoring their personal attacks and not attacking them back. By now, I had enlisted the support of my parents. My dad spoke to some of them ahead of me to give them a heads-up. I spoke over phone with all my cousins and all of them reacted calmly, albeit surprised. Most of my uncles and aunts also reacted calmly, but with shock, since they had never witnessed a family member come out in their lives! Some of them asked questions about my future, kids, etc. A couple of them even expressed strong praise and support for my act! Apparently, Indian society is becoming increasingly familiar with LGBT issues. However, I did have to deal with some drama, especially with some uncles and aunts asking me if I can be "cured," say with "divine intervention," or a psychiatrist, etc. There were also some homophobic jokes. My grandma expressed her fear that I was being too "corrupted" by American culture. I took all of this in my stride, knowing that they were all acting out of their genuine concern for my life and fear of the unknown. Upon their insistence, I went with them to a local Hindu temple so that they could offer "prayers" for me--the remarkable irony of this situation, especially given the prevalence of LGBT themes in Hindu mythology, was not lost on me. :) Things returned to normal in a day and we all hung out as usual, went to the movies, the beach, etc. I returned to the US, glad that I had completed another major step.

Dating, Coming Out Publicly, and Ongoing Process

I decided it was now time for me open my life up for relationships again. I signed up with a couple of popular dating websites and apps. I met many incredible gay men, learned a great deal about their lives, spent quality time socializing, and improving my confidence that I could indeed have a genuine, loving, long-term relationship. My therapist decided that I no longer needed her and I agreed. She told me that she had never seen a person make such rapid progress and apparently, she was awed by the peculiar way my mind worked. :) After a brief relationship, I ended up dating and falling in love with the man that is now my spouse. He introduced me to his wonderful parents, grandparents, cousins, aunts, and uncles. They were all very welcoming and I even got to attend their family Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners, the first such feasts I had attended in the US! By now, it was early 2016, and I was close to finishing up my PhD. I decided to come out to my colleagues and my advisors, and thankfully, none of them reacted negatively. I also informed my family about my boyfriend. My dad's main concern now was that I should not let my relationship distract me from my career, while my grandma's was that it was an American boy (not an Iyer boy) who might "corrupt" me by making me eat meat (I am vegetarian, as is most of my family) and drink alcohol (I am a pseduo-teetotaler). :) It reminded me of this hilarious video about the intersection of anti-LGBT prejudice with casteism, a long-running problem in Indian society. I was now ready to come out publicly on Facebook. I posted about my relationship and my sexuality. As expected, it led to a flood of comments. Thankfully, except for a couple of cases from my extended family, all the comments were positive, some even celebratory. I did not have to do this, but the relief and reassurance of coming out publicly was a confidence boost. My boyfriend and I got engaged soon afterwards. I had informed my family beforehand and I faced some push back regarding my timeline, but they took it in their stride. They were mostly saddened that they could not witness this major step in my life.

After my job search, I took up my current position with the University of California, San Diego (UCSD). My parents visited me in Madison to attend my PhD commencement. My fiancé, my parents, and I went on a vacation and thankfully, they took a liking to him. His parents also visited us. We all had lunch and toured Madison together. My parents then visited his hometown and his family members. Family is an important part of life in Indian culture, and as it turns out, in American culture too. We were glad everybody got along so well. My fiancé's grandma even made a sweet gesture of giving my stepmom one of her own artworks as a gift! :) After my thesis defense, my fiancé and I moved to La Jolla. At UCSD, we visited the LGBT Resource Center, a great campus resource for LGBT people. I added my name to their "Out List" of out faculty and staff to help mentor LGBT+ students on campus. One of the great things about UCSD is its strong commitment to, and support for, diversity. I am now out to the faculty and staff at my department, my research collaborators, and my research advisees. I am planning to engage with and mentor O-STEM, a UCSD group to support LGBT+ students in science, technology, engineering, and math (STEM). I am a donor to the Point Foundation, who offer scholarships to LGBT+ youth, predominantly from underprivileged backgrounds, to pursue a college education. I have more plans to help improve the representation of LGBT+ folks in computer science, as well as outreach work to improve the visibility of the LGBT+ community and increase awareness of LGBT+ rights issues in general. I view this post itself, my most public step in coming out (outside of Facebook's walled garden and visible to Google's spiders), as part of this commitment.

Concluding Remarks

Every time I think of the above dramatic and rather rapid changes in my life, I feel incredible gratitude for the numerous people I met who gave me advice, help, and support, even if unconsciously. My meditation practice proved central in helping me initiate and steer many changes. To satisfy the scientist in me, I also read this fascinating book on how modern neuroscience and psychology are uncovering how this ancient practice can help us literally rewire our brains to reduce or even remove unhelpful cognitive-behavioral traits! Speaking to a therapist proved invaluable in navigating many changes. Would I have been able to predict where I am now back in early 2014, when I was still filled with fear? Perhaps not. But I had hope and I had faith, both in myself and in the goodness of the many people in my life. Alas, my struggle, and the struggle of LGBT+ people, is far from over. The political circumstances in the US changed dramatically in the end of 2016. LGBT+ people now face new threats to their hard-won legal rights and social acceptance. Thus, my fiancé and I decided to get married legally in a civil ceremony soon after. It is sad that we could not get our families and friends to witness this landmark event of our lives. But we hope to have a separate social ceremony in the future. I am now also a donor to the Human Rights Campaign and the American Civil Liberties Union, two storied organizations that continue the good fight against the forces of legalized discrimination. I will never forget how fortunate I was in my coming out process and how fraught with danger this process is for so many innocent people around the world. This fight will not end until the last LGBT+ person in any corner of this world is able to live a life free of institutional and societal violence and prejudice. I am honored to add my voice to this exalted global fight for human equality and dignity. I humbly invite you to join and contribute to this fight as an ally in whatever way you can. Thank you.

Resources and References

My now-famous slide deck (a 36MB PDF on Google Drive). I would appreciate a note, if you do use this. :)

Orinam, an LGBT+ rights and support group in Chennai, India.

Srishti Madurai, a blog about LGBT+ life and rights, partly in Tamil.

PFLAG, a support group for parents and family of LGBT people, especially newly "out" people.

Outreach, an LGBT+ support group in Madison, Wisconsin.

UCSD LGBT Resource Center.

The Buddha's Brain, a must-read book on how modern science is unraveling the long-known benefits of meditation.

Donate to the Point Foundation. I believe a good education is the key to self-upliftment, all the more true for marginalized communities such as LGBT+ people.

Donate to the Human Rights Campaign. Lawsuits in the US are super expensive and they need all the help they can get.

Donate to the American Civil Liberties Union. Marginalized communities, be it LGBT+ people, ethnic/racial minorities, religious minorities, disabled people, women, etc. are in this fight for human equality and dignity together.

Finally, to lighten the mood: Mr and Mr Iyer (partly in Tamil) and a Bollywood-style Hindi song video by the UN: The Welcome. :)

PS: I do not own the copyrights for any of the pictures used in this post. If you own the copyright for any of these pictures and if you would like it removed, let me know and I will oblige.

The Roots of Indian Misogyny

The gang rape and torture of Jyoti on a bus one night in Delhi in December 2012 aroused incredible anger and passion among the people of India. Hundreds of thousands of ordinary Indians, perhaps even millions, protested the ineptitude of the police/government in dealing with rape cases, and decried one of India's pervasive problems - the frequent rapes of women. Sadly, Jyoti died a few days after the attack due to the wounds from her torture. Many called for the death penalty to be imposed on such rapists. However, the perspective of the rapists was ill-understood. Many thought that such men are deranged psychopaths that prey on innocent girls and women. And many liked to believe that such creatures come from the fringes of Indian society - that they are an aberration in India's "glorious culture", rather than a deep-rooted problem with said culture.

Recently, a British filmmaker, Leslee Udwin, has shed some light on the above question. She interviewed one of the Jyoti's rapists, who is currently in prison, to understand exactly what went through his mind during the rape, and what he thought of the public outcry that followed. The most shocking finding for her was that he was an incredibly ordinary man, not a deranged psychopath from the fringes, as people had surmised. And he had the audacity to "justify" his rape and torture of that woman via the argument of "Indian male privilege". Even more shockingly, his lawyer sought to blame the woman for the rape. Unsurprisingly, this documentary has created a furore in India.

Many think that providing such a forum for rapists to express their thoughts is an insult to the rape survivors and victims. But I think that is missing the point. The goal here, as per my understanding, was to understand the roots of India's rape culture. And I think the documentary underscores one deep-rooted issue - the pervasive misogyny that has gotten embedded in Indian society. It got me thinking about exactly how deep the roots of Indian misogyny go, and what shapes they take. I have listed down some of the people I think are at least partly responsible. Many of these will be unsurprising to most Indians. But, when viewed in the light of how even such "small" things add up to a pervasive culture of misogyny that rapists use to justify their actions, it surprised me as to how many of us, or people we know, are at least partly to blame.

• The people who abort their girl child during the foetal stage simply because she is a girl
• The people who kill or abandon their girl child right after birth simply because she is a girl
• The people who force their girl child to help in the kitchen while letting their boy child "go out and play"
• The people who force their girl child to study "less expensive" subjects while spending most of their money on an engineering degree for their boy child
• The people who tell their girl child that her education is not as important because she will be married to a "rich boy" some day and sent away from home
• The people who consider a woman a slattern simply for having, and hanging out with, male friends
• The people who consider a woman a slattern for wearing "modern" clothes but do not think so for man that does the same
• The people who consider a woman a slattern for working late nights but do not think so for a man that does the same
• The people who dismiss a strong woman as "bossy" but praise a strong man as "authoritative"
• The people who consider a woman who chooses not to marry as being selfish but a man who does so as being dedicated to his work
• The people who expect the woman to be a virgin before her marriage but do not expect the same for a man
• The people who expect that the cost of a weddding between a man and a woman has to be borne mostly by the bride's parents instead of splitting the cost 50-50
• The people who expect the bride's parents to shower the groom with "gifts"
• The people who expect the woman to change her surname and forget her family's identity after marriage but do not expect the same for a man
• The people who expect that a woman has to take care of her husband's parents while a man is expected to take care of only his own
• The people who look down upon a woman that divorces and remarries but do not do so for a man that does the same
• The people who think it is okay for a man to marry multiple women but do not think the same for a woman
• The people who expect a woman to tone down her appearance after her husband dies, but do not expect a man to change anything after his wife dies
• The people who choose to remember, and pay tributes to, only the paternal heritage but ignore the maternal heritage

Clearly, the roots of Indian misogyny extend from the cradle to the grave... no, from even before the cradle to way after the grave! :-/ As the saying goes, admitting a problem is the first step to solving it. Clearly, we all have a part to play in solving these deep-rooted issues, no matter how small, that contribute to Indian misogyny. Feel free to let me know your thoughts in the comments.